Firefly

 Of firefly: Haruki Murakami Translator: Lai Pearl
long, long time ago. That being said, but also fourteen, five years ago, I was living in a campus dormitory. When I was only eighteen years old, first entered the University of Tokyo completely unfamiliar with, plus I have not lived one out, the family worried that would help me find a hostel. Of course, the cost also has relations living quarters than a cheaper one. I certainly hope that a person renters is more refreshing. but, considering the registration fee, tuition, living expenses, and sent home on a monthly basis, or not opinionated.
school dormitory in Bunkyo good view of high plateau, covering a wide, surrounded by tall the concrete wall. outside the gate, head Jishi Yi large towering cherry tree height, age hundred and fifty years old or more. standing up looking at the roots and green leaves almost hidden in the sky.
road around through giant tree, stretching straight quarters in the atrium. on both sides of the atrium is the two parallel bars outline three buildings. very big houses. you can hear radio stations from the open window came music. all white curtains were faded nor the purpose of color. the road is two quarters of the buildings front. on the first floor restaurant and a large bathroom, second floor auditorium, assembly room, and VIP rooms. a third three-quarters and the buildings in parallel. spacious atrium, with lawn sprinkling
water heater facing the sun keeps spinning. The buildings inside baseball, football also use either of the playground, six tennis courts, fully equipped.
the only problem in this hostel (counted according to the angle may be the problem ), is that it is right by several unknown business consortium. from the dormitory and residential rules to understand about: Financial donations are a number of my best ...... This is supported by the surface of saying What've inside in the end, it is quite vague vague, not a precise statement. There is speculation that tax evasion is through the establishment of a hostel The nominal land speculation, but also said nothing more purely seek fame. Anyway, in 1967 spring to autumn next year, I live in the dormitory. right Ye Hao, Left Ye Hao, Ye Hao hypocrisy, pseudo-evil Ye Hao, from the daily standard of living point of view, generally no different.
quarters flying the flag rising daily as the beginning of the day. Of course with the national anthem, national anthem and national flag of the inseparable relationship, like broadcast sports news, like when the march will be played. flag station is located in the atrium, are visible from every window. the flag I live by the Warden of the East Building is responsible. wardens before and after the five-year-old, burly physique pour Wu-eyed men; dry and hard hair mixed a few white hair, tanned face with a thin scar. It is said that the school came from the Army in the field. The standing next to the flag as a student assistant. This
who shaved his head, always wear a school uniform, true identity unknown . No one knows his name, where to live one, and no one touched him in a restaurant or bathroom. in the end he was not a student, no one knows. but it seems like a student from wearing a uniform only. He was a little and white, and men in the field opposite the Army school. Every morning at six sharp, so they stand to quarters in the atrium, rising sun flag. moved into the dorm early, I often view the flag from the window scene. Every morning at six the whole, the two on time in the atrium. wear the school uniform holding a threatened wooden box. Nakano School Army man carrying a portable tape recorder Taiwan soNY. Shulu Jun schools in the sound man put the flag audience; wear school uniform open Paulownia box, box neatly arrayed flag Diego. to wear school uniform of the national flag to the school in Shulu Jun men. Nakano, Department of the Army flag man at the school flagpole rope, the students wear uniforms pressed audio switch. < br> (anthem) . They looked up and stared at this time the flag, stand at attention chest. On a clear day the wind blowing, be majestic scene.
evening and early morning ceremony roughly the same, but the order reversed. flag slowly down from the flagpole, incorporated into the Paulownia box, the flag does not fly at night. I do not know why the flag is not flying at night? night, the state still exist. Many people are still working, so many people have no national flag of the sanctuary, is not it unfair? perhaps no big deal , or perhaps no one noticed, except me and I have a moment's thought, however, no deep meaning.
dorm room on the principle of distribution, first and second graders in a two, three, one person, one fourth grade students room. They are one of aluminum windows and doors, deep rectangle about six tatami room. furnishings simple, two desk and chair, two two lockers, two ready-made shelves. most of them the transistor radio rack, Hairdryer, brewing coffee or instant noodles Wanpen spoon. plaster walls with stud close to the pages of Playboy's folder posters, desk arrayed several textbooks and popular novels. male dormitory probably very dirty. trash have mildew in the orange peel and empty ashtrays on the plot instead of a dozen centimeters thick soot, keep the wash clean cup of coffee stains. scattered on the floor with the thin noodles, beer cans. the wind blows, the floor will kick up dust . under the bed stuffed with unbearable smell of laundry; on a regular basis who can say the sun is unique, each quilt is full of sweat and body odor absorption.
contrast, my room very clean. floor light can Kam people, ashtrays regularly cleaned once a week drying quilts, pencil neatly placed in the pen stand. the walls of the photos posted on the Amsterdam canals instead of magazine inserts: My roommate got a little older, he was responsible for the work to remove the entire room , even my washing all do it, I do not have to lift a finger. as long as the drinking of beer cans on the table soon after the, it will automatically disappear in the trash. My roommate majored in geography. < br>
the world is really a great variety of people. in the end are those people, for what motives create the map, I even thought. but even that Geographical Survey Institute of office, is also quite wonderful. he sometimes stuttered words and sometimes not. However, the mere mention of drama. .
like land, land, map, just select the study, the cartography. only to the parents and therefore that, to the money, hardships came to Tokyo, but you seem to not. explained to him. and then we draw lots to decide on a bunk bed, and he able to get spread. He always wore a white shirt and black suit pants. He was tall, shaved head, tall cheekbones, some wearing school uniforms, shoes and bags are black, the right-wing students at first glance is the standard dress, we think so too. In actual fact, he does not care about politics can be said that, because choosing clothes to wear the same color so cumbersome clothes. In addition to shoreline change, or a new rail tunnel cutting other things, he does not care about all. And as long as the topics mentioned in this regard, he will spend an hour or two about non-stop until I stop yawning so far.
him to get up at six every day, take down a brush. back to the room, pull the whole towel crepe, straight hanging on a rack, toothbrush and soap back into the cabinet. and then press the radio switch, the radio started gymnastics. I belong to stay up late and sleep type,Discount UGG boots, Gymnastics music sounded even I can sleep. but as long as he started jumping, I would have jumped out of bed. how should I say, each of his jumps (he is really good at jumping), I will head up and down in the pillow shock go on, could not sleep.
said, can not hear music, hear music, gymnastics done well. smaller, do not jump right? noisy it, sorry. > jumped to him.
all done unconsciously done so far. omit to take part not go.
.
*
each mention of his radio roommate and gymnastics, she Puchi smile. Although I intended not to tell jokes, the results themselves laughing.
see her smile, although only moment. is also a long absence. I and her Yotsuya Station tram, taxi embankment along the tram line, walk to Ichigaya direction. May, Sunday afternoon, early morning rain in the morning to dry, dark gray clouds hanging disappeared by the south wind blowing. chiseled cherry tree leaves twinkling in the wind, the sun brings the hot Italian summer, people take off your coat or sweater around my shoulders. tennis court wearing shorts Young men swing the racket, the racket under the metal frame in the afternoon sun shining. Only two benches and students wearing black robes of the nuns in the pleasant talk, watching them, I discovered that in fact, still early in summer.
take fifteen minutes to sweat. I took off Houmian shirt, wearing only a T-shirt. her light gray jerseys long sleeve rolled up to elbow, a washed old jersey. it seems very early to see She was wearing this, but maybe just an illusion. I often have the wrong impression, both as to what happened before.
long experience.
. But I think this is not good, that is hh see her again, is six months after the. half a year, she did not recognize thin quickly. originally a feature round cheeks become thin, the impression, she is not so skinny, she is more lean and beautiful than ever. This I want to say something, but I do not know what to say.
and she is not what I do to Yotsuya. She and I met by chance in the central tram line, just she and I did not particularly anything. Get in, tram, she did not say anything, rustling footsteps trotted forward. I catch up with wildly accelerated pace, and she maintained a distance of about one meter. I followed her back to walk, she always turn back towards me speak. Some of my answer, some I do not know how A, and some she did not hear, did not care. She said they wanted to say later, just before the trip in silence. We Iidabashi right, from the rise of Road Queen come out through the crossroads of Jimbo-cho, Ochanomizu slope, bypassing Hongo, Tokyo land along the horse tram went fast lane. quite a distance. go fast horse, has been close to dusk.
follow. Your physical good. mountain climbing, so the fresh legs bad. go back no problem, do not mind. takes an hour, during which the two sat side by side in silence can be painful. Finally she returned, I paid a meal substitute.
Of course, not particularly compelling reasons not so. .
original meaning is not the case. speak well, say in front of, but also often makes the scene even more chaotic. as if his body is divided into two parts, chasing each other around a pole, the correct meaning in another part of the total, and this part of me, never quite caught up. on the table, look into my eyes.
when disturbed. said, time. She and I the same age, read the famous church schools. We recognize the causes of my friends is that she is his girlfriend. they knew from primary school, but two hundred meters from the house. Like Most of the childhood, the exchanges between them did not feel that there is secrecy, often to play each other home and other family dinner. I and my girlfriend at the time, and They had to play with, the results often become only He and I and her next three, and my girlfriend is gone. Then we find out that we go this way, from the standpoint of view, I was the guest, he is the host, and she was his assistant and a decent actress to such a thing.
his best line social surface, a casual laugh, the inner is very sincere. He is able to Dongche opportunity to master a timely cut the chat and laughter. They often talk about some easy jokes warm scene, when he or she has one silent immediately connected to another person, he could not very interesting in the words of opponents, quickly find several interesting parts. and chat with him, I was always immersed in their original a very interesting person the illusion. but when he temporarily left the meeting, she and I immediately plunged into the ice, they do not know what to say. In fact, she and I have no common topics. We probably did not say anything Wang Zhuoshang ashtray by the cigarette is not put out, is quietly sip of water from the back seat waiting for him. And if he seat, and interesting topics to resume immediately. In three months after his funeral, I just and she had seen once. just something, so some in the coffee shop, things finished to impress. I tried to find topics, but halfway, with ten weird way she talks she often even I do not know why when, suddenly angry with me. and then she and I separated. Maybe she was angry because the last time I saw him, not her, but I am because of it. While this may not be appropriate, but I can understand her feelings. If possible, I would very much hope to change the situation for her, but that is not possible. Upon the occurrence, no matter how hard, no way to change.
a May afternoon, I and his school on the way (the correct way to say that skipping), to the billiard room playing around the pool. I won the first week, followed by three-bureau he wins, playing by the pool of money I paid. the night of his death in the garage. Three Six O Nissan sports car vent, connected to the hose into the car, the windows tightly with plastic sheets snapping gap, and then open the engine. I do not know until his death, will take much time. Anyway, to the relatives wait home visiting parents at home when he died. the car radio on, wipers, gas stations still tucked the receipt. no suicide note, could not think of suicide motives. Since I last saw him, I was called to the police are taking note. impression. They do not believe that high school students skipping class to play pool come to end suicide is a very curious thing. newspapers registered a short record, and soon, the event ended. red sports car, Nissan Three Six O was sold. For a while, the classroom in his seat, often arrayed a bunch of white flowers.
graduated from high school came to Tokyo, I want to do is not to think too much. green suede marbles, Nissan N Three Six O red sports car white flowers on the seat classroom, all from my mind disappeared. crematorium chimney towering smoke, the police station record the great paper weights room, all abandoned behind. At first I forgot very well, very clean forgot . However, there is a residue of my heart, with the passage of time, this air-like residue formed implicitly, as a concrete and simple things. If I put it into words, like so:
dead Health is not the opposite, but a part of.
into words, the actually become a kind of weary, ordinary, old-fashioned view. But I was and not the language, but just felt like the air like death exist in vivo, there is the piece of paper town. There was a row of billiard table in the four marbles. I call this thing called death, as the dust inhaled into the lungs as in alive.
Until then, I always thought , death is an independent existence. that is, born in this side, died in the other side.
night since a friend died, I can not agree, simply died from the time of the damned. Death is not the students the contrary, death has long been present in my body, become unable to elimination from the part of my mind. In a May night, my friends away Seventeen-year-old's death is also on the same night to find me.
I am now very clear. In the clear at the same time, I has been trying to come up before, but it is very difficult trying to come up operations, at least for me, was eighteen years old, find out by trying to come to a compromise point of view, it is very difficult.
*
then I once or twice a month since her appointment. can be said about dating it, can not think of a better argument.
her on the outskirts of Tokyo to a small, neat, well-women's college reputation. her residence from the school not more than ten minutes walk along the roadside ditch cool. She did not seem to make any friends, in addition to the words other than intermittent, rarely open. because she did not specifically say, I almost did not the words of. meet, We just walk around. but not without a little progress. summer vacation had finished, she has quite naturally rely on me to walk. We walked side by side, uphill, downhill, cross the bridge, cross the road. We nap , no particular place to go, no special things to do. take a while, into the tea shop to drink coffee, drinking coffee and then kept walking. like a slide, one after another season has passed. Autumn came to the dormitory in the atrium of the beech leaves blanket over the ground, put on a sweater you can smell the breath of the new season, I bought a new pair of shoes. the end of the fall, when the cold wind blows, her body has been accustomed to relying on my wrist. across a thick coat, I could feel her breath. but only that, I inserted into the jacket pocket of the old hands, invariably walking. Our sole can not hear footsteps, and only step on the plane tree's leaves only when the issue of dry sound. she's not holding my wrist, but who's wrist. she wants to, not my body warm, but warm body who, at least I was so thought. I felt her eyes is more transparent than before, a sense of transparency nowhere else to go. She was watching me from time to time gratuitous. At this time, I felt layer of sadness. whenever she called, or Sunday morning I go out dating, often mocking fellow dormitory, fellows when I was in love. I thought that, did not explain the reason for gossip let it go. I come back every date, some people mention that in the end did not go to bed friends. ah, ah, I have been such a response.
so I spend my eighteen years of age. the sun rise, sunset, the flag up, flag down. in Zhoukou, my late friend and lover dating. in the end what they are doing, then how, I do not know. I read the Crowder drama curriculum, Russell, Yi Jie Ting repair, they are in the book. also save because the book. I have almost no friends, understanding of the dormitory is also just a few. I have been reading, everyone thought I want to be novelists, but I do not want to be a novelist mean, I do not want to. Several times, she and I talked about this mood, she seemed to understand I want to express. but I am not good at speaking, as mentioned earlier,UGG shoes, I often think about the right words and correct word is completely unable to stay in touch?? black inside. every weekend night, I sat on the phone waiting for her dorm room. Sometimes she did not come to call three weeks, and sometimes calls for two weeks. And I'm always on the weekend nights, a fixed seated in a chair waiting for her call. Saturday Night Students Most of play, the hall was almost empty. I always sit in silence in space, floating in the air staring at the light particles, struggled to see themselves. Everyone is chasing after the person or object,cheap UGG boots, I do not know what the future How do I reach out, only touched a wall of air loss.
the winter I a small record shop in Shinjuku work. Christmas I send her love Henry. Mancini . I am dedicated to the Christmas tree pattern of pink ribbons and wrapping paper gift wrap. She hit a pair of wool for my gloves, fingers shorter the point, but still warm. She did not go home Christmas Day, New Year, I went to her residence for dinner. That much has happened in the winter. the end of January, forty degrees roommate high fever, lethargy for two days, so I wasted a date with her. He looks like a pair of dying, I can not leave no matter . except me, seems to be no other people to take care of him. I bought the ice, into the plastic bag of ice pillows do, wipe him with ice towels, a temperature measurement every hour. He has a fever all day, the next day early in the morning, completely fine Huo Ran a camel to get up, the temperature dropped to thirty six second.
br> the end of February, I was a little small and hostel students go further quarrel. the other's head against a concrete wall, but fortunately did not cause a large wound. I called to the warden training room to listen to, so therefore, the more the feeling of living quarters and more bad.
I was nineteen or sophomore. When a few subjects, performance is almost C or D, only a few general by B. She is a smooth rise to the second year. seasons and cycles of the one time. June, she two years old. She can not understand that they have two years of age. for me, for her, always in our age between the eighteenth and nineteenth years of age. eighth again in the nineteenth, This is the eighth nineteenth again is understandable. However, she has really become twenty, the next winter, I also twenty years old. only to die of that and will always seventeen.
her birthday that the world rain. I bought the cake in Shinjuku, tram to her residence. tram was crowded and shake so badly when I came to her residence, as the cake has collapsed like the Roman ruins. In any case, we put a twenty candles, matches, point, pull the curtains, lights off, after all, still a little birthday atmosphere. She opened a bottle of wine, eat the cake, our simple meal. Clear the table, sitting on the bed to drink the rest of the wine. I drink a glass of speed, she can drink two cups.
that day she said many words rare. childhood things, school things, family things, dense and Also unusual and delicate., when she talked A, B. I do not know when it has covered a long but comes from the B C, next stop, there is no end. I tried to interrupt, after all, gave up. I Fang Changpian, discharged after he put down one, all let go again, back to the original one. out the window with non-stop rain, the slow circulation time, she was the only one who kept talking. clock points to eleven, I'm really starting uneasy. She has said that non-stop for four hours straight. home of the last shuttle time is coming and I do not know what to do. Let her enjoy the finish, or is waiting for an opportunity to interrupt? I am a bit confused, she really said a lot of words.
I had lit cigarettes, being the case, or to fill, she said, again had to see fit. But she said finally stopped. I look alert to stop, she has finished. then head twisted off in general, floating in the air. the right to say, her words did not end, but suddenly disappeared. Although she would like to continue, but suddenly nothing, and if so where was dropped. her lips slightly open, staring at me blankly, her eyes as if through an opaque film, as I am aware his wrongdoing.
In less than a second it rolled down the cheeks, falling on the album covers. the tears of a burst, you can not stop her hands against the bed, crying like vomiting. I reach out and touch her shoulder. her body in a weak trembling, I almost instinctively hold her, she was leaning against me, silently crying, breath hot and wet with tears my shirt. her index finger to find anything like as in a loss to explore my back. I left support her body, stroking her fine hair right. for a long period of time, maintaining the same position, waiting for her to stop crying. She has never stopped crying.
*
this evening, she and I go to bed . I do not know to do right, but apart from that, but also how? really long time and the girls did not go to bed. and she was the first time and people go to bed. I tried to ask, why not go to bed with him on this issue is hh is wrong, she did not answer. her hands off my body, his back to me, looking out the window in the rain. I looked at the ceiling. Xizhe Yan. At dawn, the rain has stopped. She fell asleep with his back to me, perhaps she have been awake, but for me, is the same. As usual, completely covered her silence. I looked at her motionless on the back of white philosophy, and finally give up, I get out of bed.
like time suddenly stops. scattered on the floor of last night's album covers, the remaining half of the collapse of the cake table, lying on the desk dictionaries and French verb tables, not the calendar on the wall close to the photo or painting, only the number of calendar. Calendar is blank, no writing, no marking of any mark. I picked up the clothes under the bed fell. shirt chest cold still damp, and leaned face smell, you can still smell the smell of her hair. I'm on the desk note written on the letter. I tried to express their feelings truthfully.
I tried not to think too deep problem. think too deeply, the world has become very real. The outcome of most of the people around just to push somewhere, but I do not want others cornered. want to see you, but as mentioned earlier, in the end is right, I do not know hh year. for the time being, I do not think they will return to school. The so-called leave of absence,bailey UGG boots, but formalities. tomorrow will move, and seems to be hurried, in fact, been a long time wanted to do. Although few want to looking to talk to you or not. and people say, is a very terrible thing. A lot has happened, do not mind. no matter what happened, or did not happen, the outcome should be true. Perhaps I So that will make you hurt, and if so, sorry. I want to say is, do not blame yourself for me, or blame the other person, which I should be fully responsible for their own. I made you feel confused, But this is hh this is the limit.
heard that Kyoto has a good nursing home in the mountains, not the hospital, but the facilities that people can move freely. In short, to first quiet down there. more than trivial things, allow or have the opportunity to write. This letter is not well written, although I have rewritten ten times. This year, I'm with you, I really really can not say thanks hh. Be sure that I can not hh say anything ...